Crap Towns / Surrey / Warlingham
Warlingham
33/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 33. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
It's by the big Sainsbury's
A posh hilltop village with a green, lime trees and directions that start at Sainsbury's.
Warlingham is a posh village up on the North Downs with a green, lime trees and hardly any crime. When you ask the way, people tell you it's by the big Sainsbury's. That's the landmark. There's 1 play space for the whole village, so the kids can queue. 22% of premises can't get gigabit broadband, and the big moans are parking round the green and the school run blocking the mini-roundabout. Life's hard up there.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Warlingham's 95 for broadband means it's crapper than 95% of towns.
- Broadband95/10022.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 27.1% across the Tandridge council area
- Air pollution75/1009.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions65/1002.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping58/10010.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Tandridge council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain50/100128 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires45/100
- Food hygiene31/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 28 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour19/10010.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson10/1004.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 20 | Dorking | 44 |
| 21 | Stanwell | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.22 | Farnham | 38 |
| 23 | Sunbury-on-Thames | 34 |
| – | Warlingham | 33 |
| 24 | Camberley | 31 |
| 25 | Epsom | 29 |
| 26 | Cobham | 27 |
| 27 | Cranleigh | 26 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Warlingham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 44.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 42% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 389 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 436 per 10,000 people, 128.2x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.4 per 10,000 people, 2.1x the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.08am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 33.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.1x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,579 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Tandridge council
Have a crap-off
Warlingham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.