Crap Towns / Surrey / Dorking
Dorking
44/100Crap Score
Known as Dorktown. Locals are Five-claw'd'uns.
550th crappest of 984 towns, and 20th in Surrey. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Massive cock on the roundabout
Dorking has a giant silver cock on a roundabout. Nobody has ever said anything sensible about it.
Dorking stuck a giant silver cockerel on the Deepdene roundabout, and everyone calls it the cock. That's most of what there is to say. The rest is gridlock round the gyratory, motorbikes screaming up to Box Hill and roads worse than most for serious crashes. Leatherhead fans have never once had to think of their own joke.
The High Street's gone big on vape shops, with 7.7 times the typical town's per head, and it's got 20 hairdressers. Barclays, Halifax and NatWest have all shut a branch. Plenty of pubs, mind, to get over the cock in.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Dorking's 89 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Serious road collisions89/1004.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband82/10013.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.0% across the Mole Valley council area
- Air pollution63/1008.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills61/100432 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson49/1007.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain43/100125 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour34/10012.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping24/1006.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Mole Valley council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene18/1000.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 114 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires14/100
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 16 | New Haw, West Byfleet and Sheerwater | 51 |
| 17 | Guildford | 48 |
| 18 | Hersham | 46 |
| 19 | Caterham | 44 |
| 20 | Dorking | 44 |
| 21 | Stanwell | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.22 | Farnham | 38 |
| 23 | Sunbury-on-Thames | 34 |
| 24 | Camberley | 31 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Dorking by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 69.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 9% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 643 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 368 per 10,000 people, 108.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 16 pubs, 20 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 4 vape shops, 2 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 10.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 10) Worse: 2.5x the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 17.2 per 100,000 people, 5.1x the typical town's 3.4
- 12 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 6.9 per 10,000 people, 4.3x the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 2.4x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.46am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 38.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.5x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,646 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Mole Valley council
Have a crap-off
Dorking against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.