Crap Towns / Surrey / Hersham
Hersham
46/100Crap Score
Locals are Hershamites.
530th crappest of 984 towns, and 18th in Surrey. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Hersham? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Not Walton. Don't.
Had a punk song named after it. Now it's hanging baskets, parakeets and a Waitrose.
Hersham had a punk anthem named after it. Have a look at it now. Village green, hanging baskets, parakeets screaming in the trees and a Waitrose. Punk's dead, mate. The kids are bored stiff, the trains barely stop and Molesey Road is jammed. And don't call it Walton.
The kitchens are where the anarchy went. Over three times the typical town's share are rated 0 to 2, so check the sticker before you fall for the village green. The storm overflows nearby went off for two and a half times the typical town's hours. There's no public pool. There's a Waitrose.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Hersham's 89 for air pollution means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Air pollution89/10012.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene79/1008.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 37 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions75/1003.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills73/100679 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband45/1003.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 15.3% across the Elmbridge council area
- Fly-tipping41/1009.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Elmbridge council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires33/100
- Criminal damage and arson19/1004.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain8/100112 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour6/1007.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 14 | Tadworth and Epsom Downs | 54 |
| 15 | Ashford | 52 |
| 16 | New Haw, West Byfleet and Sheerwater | 51 |
| 17 | Guildford | 48 |
| 18 | Hersham | 46 |
| 19 | Caterham | 44 |
| 20 | Dorking | 44 |
| 21 | Stanwell | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.22 | Farnham | 38 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Hersham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 49.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 35% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 285 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 226 per 10,000 people, 66.5x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 5 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 50% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.52pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 27.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,651 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 8% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Elmbridge council
Have a crap-off
Hersham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.