Crap Towns / Surrey / Caterham
Caterham
44/100Crap Score
547th crappest of 984 towns, and 19th in Surrey. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Caterham. Drive somewhere else.
There's a Hill and a Valley, and sod all in either.
Caterham's got a Hill bit and a Valley bit and nothing going on in either after dark. No decent restaurants, nowhere to go out, and the shopping's somewhere else, so everyone drives off to it. They used to make sports cars here. The North Downs are nice. Go there.
Barclays, Lloyds and NatWest have all shut a branch. You get rain on 130 days a year. In 2024 a serious pollution incident put radioactive material on the land, which nobody mentions on the North Downs walk. The buses run till 1.32am, and every one of them is a chance to leave.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Caterham's 88 for broadband means it's crapper than 88% of towns.
- Broadband88/10012.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 27.1% across the Tandridge council area
- Air pollution77/1009.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene63/1003.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 119 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions61/1002.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping58/10010.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Tandridge council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain54/100130 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson37/1006.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour29/10011.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires23/100
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 15 | Ashford | 52 |
| 16 | New Haw, West Byfleet and Sheerwater | 51 |
| 17 | Guildford | 48 |
| 18 | Hersham | 46 |
| 19 | Caterham | 44 |
| 20 | Dorking | 44 |
| 21 | Stanwell | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.22 | Farnham | 38 |
| 23 | Sunbury-on-Thames | 34 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Caterham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 63.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 16% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1,154 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 507 per 10,000 people, 149.1x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 5 hairdressers, 3 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 5.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 19) Worse: 33% higher than the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 13.2 per 100,000 people, 3.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 11 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.8 per 10,000 people, 3x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.32am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 24.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,589 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Tandridge council
Have a crap-off
Caterham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.