Crap Towns / Surrey / Stanwell
Stanwell
43/100Crap Score
560th crappest of 984 towns, and 21st in Surrey. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Stanwell? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Speak up, there's a plane.
Heathrow's right next door. So are all its minicabs, waiting with the engine on.
Stanwell is a village with Heathrow on its doorstep, so the planes go overhead all day and the airport drivers park in the streets all night with the engines running. There's airport rubbish blowing about and a plan to concrete over whatever's left.
The air's got 2.7 times the typical town's nitrogen dioxide in it, which is what you get at the end of a runway. Five times the typical town's share of its kitchens are rated 0 to 2. Nice village green, if you can breathe and hear yourself think.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Stanwell's 97 for air pollution means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Air pollution97/10022.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 8.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene87/10012.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 33 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson74/1009.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping65/10013.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Spelthorne council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour48/10015.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires44/100
- Broadband30/1004.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.8% across the Spelthorne council area
- Serious road collisions20/1001.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain7/100112 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 17 | Guildford | 48 |
| 18 | Hersham | 46 |
| 19 | Caterham | 44 |
| 20 | Dorking | 44 |
| 21 | Stanwell | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.22 | Farnham | 38 |
| 23 | Sunbury-on-Thames | 34 |
| 24 | Camberley | 31 |
| 25 | Epsom | 29 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Stanwell by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 82.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 8% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 350 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 299 per 10,000 people, 87.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2023
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.50am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 10.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 34% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,685 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 10% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Spelthorne council
Have a crap-off
Stanwell against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.