Crap Towns / Kent / Tonbridge
Tonbridge
43/100Crap Score
564th crappest of 984 towns, and 25th in Kent. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Tonbridge? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Tonbridge. The other one.
A Norman castle, the Medway, and a lifetime of being mistaken for Tunbridge Wells.
Tonbridge has a Norman castle, the Medway and the Angels, and it spends its life explaining it's not Tunbridge Wells. Spelt with an O, said like a U. It's older, it's got the castle, and it still gets the other one's post.
The banks have announced 5 branch closures, over four times the typical town's rate, and what's left is 11 charity shops. The storm overflows round it spilled for 2.6 times as long as the typical town's. Hadlow Road's still gridlocked.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Tonbridge's 75 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 75% of towns.
- Sewage spills75/100714 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Food hygiene66/1003.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 210 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson66/1008.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband60/1007.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 14.5% across the Tonbridge and Malling council area
- Air pollution56/1008.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions52/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour36/10012.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Tonbridge and Malling council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain15/100116 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires3/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 21 | Snodland | 50 |
| 22 | Swanscombe | 48 |
| 23 | Broadstairs | 47 |
| 24 | Hythe | 44 |
| 25 | Tonbridge | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.26 | Royal Tunbridge Wells | 39 |
| 27 | Larkfield | 38 |
| 28 | Deal | 36 |
| 29 | Herne | 32 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Tonbridge by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 69.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 9% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 10 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.8 per 10,000 people, 2.5x the typical town's 1.1
- 6 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 13 pubs, 13 hairdressers, 11 charity shops, 3 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 3 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 6.5% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (2 of 31) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 4.0%
- 5 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 13.8 per 100,000 people, 4.1x the typical town's 3.4
- 13 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.6 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 1.6
- 4 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.55pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 37.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,655 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 8% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Tonbridge and Malling council
Have a crap-off
Tonbridge against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.