Crap Towns / Kent / Southborough
Southborough
25/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 25. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Made cricket balls. Now makes nothing.
A nice common, a cricket ground and the one pub.
Southborough is annoyingly decent. Cricket on the Common, and crime and yobs that barely register. They used to make cricket balls here, and High Brooms made bricks. Now it mostly makes queues into Tunbridge Wells.
There's 1 pub for the whole place, and over 40% of people live more than 400 metres from a park, which takes some doing for somewhere famous for its Common. The storm overflows spilled for 1.8 times as long as the typical town's. Annoyingly decent, then, with a bit of shit in it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Southborough's 86 for broadband means it's crapper than 86% of towns.
- Broadband86/10014.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.2% across the Tunbridge Wells council area
- Food hygiene68/1005.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 39 food businesses with a rating
- Sewage spills64/100484 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Air pollution45/1007.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions39/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain29/100120 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping28/1006.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Tunbridge Wells council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson24/1005.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires13/1002.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour6/1007.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 24 | Hythe | 44 |
| 25 | Tonbridge | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.26 | Royal Tunbridge Wells | 39 |
| 27 | Larkfield | 38 |
| 28 | Deal | 36 |
| 29 | Herne | 32 |
| 30 | Sevenoaks | 27 |
| – | Southborough | 25 |
| 31 | Longfield, New Ash Green and Hartley | 10 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Southborough by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 49.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 36% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 0.9
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 8 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 vape shop on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.40pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 41.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,640 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Tunbridge Wells council
Have a crap-off
Southborough against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.