Crap Towns / Kent / Larkfield
Larkfield
38/100Crap Score
613th crappest of 984 towns, and 27th in Kent. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Nice lakes. Next.
The old gravel pits are lovely now. Everything else has stayed the same.
Larkfield's best bit is Leybourne Lakes, which used to be gravel pits. That's the highlight: a hole in the ground with water in it. Otherwise it's the Birds Estate and the Poets Estate, people driving like idiots down New Hythe Lane, and trains from East Malling that don't do what they're meant to. No skylarks either.
There are 101 premises that can't even get the legal minimum broadband speed, and two in five people live more than 400 metres from a park or play space. The takeaways are dodgy too, with nearly three times the typical town's share rated 0 to 2. Stick to the lake.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Larkfield's 85 for air pollution means it's crapper than 85% of towns.
- Air pollution85/10010.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband70/1009.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 14.5% across the Tonbridge and Malling council area
- Food hygiene57/1003.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 101 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions54/1002.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson50/1007.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires44/1005.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour41/10013.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Tonbridge and Malling council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills21/10047.1 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Rain9/100113 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 23 | Broadstairs | 47 |
| 24 | Hythe | 44 |
| 25 | Tonbridge | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.26 | Royal Tunbridge Wells | 39 |
| 27 | Larkfield | 38 |
| 28 | Deal | 36 |
| 29 | Herne | 32 |
| 30 | Sevenoaks | 27 |
| 31 | Longfield, New Ash Green and Hartley | 10 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Larkfield by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 54.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 28% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 7 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.7 per 10,000 people, 2.5x the typical town's 1.1
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 6 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 11.1% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (2 of 18) Worse: 2.8x the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 3.8 per 100,000 people, 12% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 31% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.13pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 40.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,697 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 11% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Tonbridge and Malling council
Have a crap-off
Larkfield against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.