Crap Towns / Kent / Swanscombe
Swanscombe
48/100Crap Score
510th crappest of 984 towns, and 22nd in Kent. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Swanscombe? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Still no theme park.
They found a prehistoric skull here. They're still waiting for the theme park.
Swanscombe is old chalk pits, cement works and a peninsula full of wildlife that somebody wants to build a giant theme park on, and has done for years. They dug up a prehistoric skull here once. It's still the most exciting thing that's happened.
Meanwhile the town's buildings look tired, there's litter about and some idiot keeps smashing things. The firebugs are busy, at 1.6 times the typical town's rate, mostly grass and woods. Dartford council recycles under a quarter of its rubbish, and there's no pool. When the Dartford Crossing jams, everyone sits in Swanscombe instead.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Swanscombe's 93 for air pollution means it's crapper than 93% of towns.
- Air pollution93/10013.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson87/10010.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene75/1005.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 51 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires69/1009.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping68/10014.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Dartford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Broadband59/1006.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.0% across the Dartford council area
- Anti-social behaviour43/10014.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions16/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills10/1006.9 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Rain0/100105 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 18 | Whitstable | 56 |
| 19 | Ashford | 55 |
| 20 | Minster | 54 |
| 21 | Snodland | 50 |
| 22 | Swanscombe | 48 |
| 23 | Broadstairs | 47 |
| 24 | Hythe | 44 |
| 25 | Tonbridge | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.26 | Royal Tunbridge Wells | 39 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Swanscombe by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 79.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 6 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 4 hairdressers, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 63% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.01am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Against the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,647 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 8% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Dartford council
Have a crap-off
Swanscombe against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.