Crap Towns / Surrey / West End and Chobham
West End and Chobham
36/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 36. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Lorry down the High Street. Another.
Heathland, a village cannon, a bit called Donkey Town, and lorries rattling down the High Street.
Chobham gave its name to tank armour and has a cannon on the green. West End's got a bit called Donkey Town. Both are quiet, posh and nearly crime-free, with less than half the typical town's crime. The moans are lorries using Chobham High Street as a shortcut and idiots racing down Beldam Bridge Road. Lovely common. Bloody boring.
The storm overflows round the place spilled for 2.4 times as long as the typical town's, nearly 22% of premises can't get gigabit broadband, and there's no public pool. Donkey Town's still the best thing in it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
West End and Chobham's 89 for broadband means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Broadband89/10021.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.6% across the Surrey Heath council area
- Serious road collisions75/1003.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills73/100669 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires65/100
- Air pollution63/1009.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping28/1007.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Surrey Heath council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene25/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 40 food businesses with a rating
- Rain19/100117 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour12/1008.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson5/1003.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 19 | Caterham | 44 |
| 20 | Dorking | 44 |
| 21 | Stanwell | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.22 | Farnham | 38 |
| – | West End and Chobham | 36 |
| 23 | Sunbury-on-Thames | 34 |
| 24 | Camberley | 31 |
| 25 | Epsom | 29 |
| 26 | Cobham | 27 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
West End and Chobham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 35.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 54% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 330 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 372 per 10,000 people, 109.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 5 hairdressers, 1 charity shop on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 31% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.25am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 22.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 45% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,645 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Surrey Heath council
Have a crap-off
West End and Chobham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.