Crap Towns / Kent / Staplehurst
Staplehurst
24/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 24. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Staplehurst? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
No car? No chance.
Commuter village with a station, a crossroads and bookies. There's nothing to do unless you drive.
Staplehurst is a nice enough Kent village whose main job is getting people onto the train to London. The village itself is 1 pub, 1 bookie and a Greggs, with over five times the typical town's Greggs per head, which is how you know the commuters are in a hurry.
Midweek there's no bus after 7.11pm, and on a Sunday there isn't one. So you stay in, and nearly a third of premises can't get gigabit broadband. No car, no bus, no internet. Lovely village.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Staplehurst's 97 for broadband means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Broadband97/10031.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.5% across the Maidstone council area
- Fly-tipping70/10015.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Maidstone council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson41/1006.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour40/10013.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution40/1006.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills32/100110 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Food hygiene30/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 29 food businesses with a rating
- Rain17/100116 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions11/1001.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires4/1000.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 24 | Hythe | 44 |
| 25 | Tonbridge | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.26 | Royal Tunbridge Wells | 39 |
| 27 | Larkfield | 38 |
| 28 | Deal | 36 |
| 29 | Herne | 32 |
| 30 | Sevenoaks | 27 |
| – | Staplehurst | 24 |
| 31 | Longfield, New Ash Green and Hartley | 10 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Staplehurst by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 56.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 26% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 53% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 2 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.9 per 10,000 people, 3.1x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.11pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 2.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 5.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 23.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.5x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,742 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 14% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Maidstone council
Have a crap-off
Staplehurst against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.