Crap Towns / Kent / Pembury
Pembury
12/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 12. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Not Tunbridge Wells.
The big hospital is in Pembury, but it's called Tunbridge Wells Hospital. That's the main grievance.
Pembury is a pretty Kent village with a green, a nice old High Street and orchards all round. Its biggest problem is that the giant hospital on the edge of the village is called Tunbridge Wells Hospital. That, and Woodsgate Corner, where you sit in a queue while someone blocks the junction.
There's no public park, and seven in ten people live more than 400 metres from a park or play space. The public pool's shut for good. On a Sunday the buses barely bother. Crime's low. Stop moaning.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Pembury's 80 for broadband means it's crapper than 80% of towns.
- Broadband80/10011.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.2% across the Tunbridge Wells council area
- Food hygiene61/1005.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 18 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution41/1006.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain36/100122 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson33/1005.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires31/1004.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping28/1006.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Tunbridge Wells council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions20/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour17/1009.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills10/1008.1 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 24 | Hythe | 44 |
| 25 | Tonbridge | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.26 | Royal Tunbridge Wells | 39 |
| 27 | Larkfield | 38 |
| 28 | Deal | 36 |
| 29 | Herne | 32 |
| 30 | Sevenoaks | 27 |
| – | Pembury | 12 |
| 31 | Longfield, New Ash Green and Hartley | 10 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Pembury by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 65.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 15% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 About the same: 3.5 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 charity shop on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.5 per 10,000 people, 2.2x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 9.32pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 3.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 6.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 70.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 4.5x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,673 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 9% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Tunbridge Wells council
Have a crap-off
Pembury against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.