Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Olney
Olney
2/100Crap Score
Locals are Olneyites.
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 2. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Olney. Very pleased with itself.
Once a year they run down the High Street holding frying pans. They've been dining out on it ever since.
Olney's famous for a pancake race, where people leg it down the High Street flipping pancakes in frying pans, and Olneyites are very proud of that. It's pretty, quiet and almost crime-free. It used to make lace and shoes. Now it makes a fuss about pancakes.
There are play spaces at three and a half times the typical town's rate per head and vape shops at five times, so the kids are sorted either way. The last bus home is at 7.08pm and on a Sunday there isn't one. The rest of the year the lorries squeeze down the High Street. Nice place. Bit full of itself.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Olney's 74 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 74% of towns.
- Fly-tipping74/10015.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Milton Keynes council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution47/1007.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband45/1009.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 3.6% across the Milton Keynes council area
- Food hygiene21/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 50 food businesses with a rating
- Rain15/100115 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires10/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions6/1000.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour1/1003.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson0/1002.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
| 10 | Marlow | 6 |
| 11 | Chalfont St Peter | 5 |
| 12 | Beaconsfield | 3 |
| 13 | Hazlemere | 2 |
| – | Olney | 2 |
Olney by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 42.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 44% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.5 per 10,000 people, 56% lower than the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 10 hairdressers, 4 charity shops, 1 vape shop, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.5 per 10,000 people, 6% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.08pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,573 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Milton Keynes council
- £2,372 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £20 less than the English average
- 16% of Milton Keynes council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as England's 16%
- 36 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Olney against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.