Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Newport Pagnell
Newport Pagnell
19/100Crap Score
801st crappest of 984 towns, and 6th in Buckinghamshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Newport Pagnell. It's not just services.
Everyone knows Newport Pagnell. They just think it's a motorway services.
Newport Pagnell is famous for being a motorway services, which isn't fair, because there's a whole town behind it. It's got an old iron bridge, a sports car past and a lot of charity shops and pubs. The railway went decades ago, so you need a car for everything. Nobody does anything wrong here. They just drive past.
Everyone knows it as a place to stop for a wee, and the town itself has 1 public toilet. You'll have to go back to the services. The old branch line train was called the Newport Nobby, which is the best thing anyone's said about the place, and the last bus is at 9.59pm.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Newport Pagnell's 77 for air pollution means it's crapper than 77% of towns.
- Air pollution77/1009.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping74/10015.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Milton Keynes council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene61/1003.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 88 food businesses with a rating
- Sewage spills41/100191 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain29/100120 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour27/1007.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires18/1003.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson12/1004.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband2/1001.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 3.6% across the Milton Keynes council area
- Serious road collisions0/1000.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Bletchley | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Chesham | 39 |
| 4 | Milton Keynes | 36 |
| 5 | Amersham | 34 |
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
| 10 | Marlow | 6 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Newport Pagnell by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 50.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 33% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 7 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 4.6 per 10,000 people, 35% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
What's left on the high street
- 12 pubs, 10 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 13) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.7 per 10,000 people, 56% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 9.59pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 4.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 70% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,551 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Milton Keynes council
- £2,372 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £20 less than the English average
- 16% of Milton Keynes council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as England's 16%
- 36 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Newport Pagnell against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.