Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Chesham
Chesham
39/100Crap Score
Known as Cheeseham.
603rd crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in Buckinghamshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Chesham? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Chesham. Last stop. Feels like it.
The Tube comes all the way out here, has a look and goes straight back to London.
Chesham is the last stop on the Metropolitan line, and the Tube takes so long getting here you could grow a beard on the way. It's a valley town that used to make boots and brushes. Now it sits in the bottom of the valley in summer and cooks, while the boy racers come out to make it louder. Locals call it Cheeseham. Amersham thinks it's better. It isn't, much.
Buckinghamshire council had 69 complaints against it upheld by the ombudsman in 2025-26. Moaning about the council round here has a better strike rate than the Met line. Nobody even nicks the bikes. Not with those hills.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Chesham's 81 for broadband means it's crapper than 81% of towns.
- Broadband81/10012.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.0% across the Buckinghamshire council area
- Food hygiene66/1003.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 111 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution59/1007.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills58/100388 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain53/100129 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires46/1005.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour44/1009.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson31/1005.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Buckinghamshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions17/1001.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | High Wycombe | 56 |
| 2 | Bletchley | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Chesham | 39 |
| 4 | Milton Keynes | 36 |
| 5 | Amersham | 34 |
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Chesham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 58.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 23% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 615 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 260 per 10,000 people, 76.5x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 8 pubs, 6 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 4 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 15) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 31% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.36pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 28.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,574 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Buckinghamshire council
Have a crap-off
Chesham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.