Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Amersham
Amersham
34/100Crap Score
Locals call it the Sham.
648th crappest of 984 towns, and 5th in Buckinghamshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Amersham? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Amersham. Bloody great hill.
Old town at the bottom, station at the top, and you're knackered before you've got to work.
Amersham costs a fortune and you still have to walk up a bloody great hill to get the train, which then takes forever on the Met line. Old Amersham at the bottom gets the coaching inns and the market hall. Amersham-on-the-Hill gets the station, and spends its life explaining that being on the Tube map doesn't mean you're in London.
The Misbourne is a lovely chalk stream, and the storm overflows round the town spilled for 5.4 times as long as the typical town's. All that money and the river's full of shit. The kids have nothing to do, and over two thirds of people live more than 400 metres from a park or a swing. Hardly anybody smashes anything up. They'd only have to walk back up the hill after.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Amersham's 90 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Sewage spills90/1001,490 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband89/10018.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.0% across the Buckinghamshire council area
- Air pollution69/1008.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene59/1003.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 131 food businesses with a rating
- Rain49/100127 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires43/1005.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions32/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Buckinghamshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour7/1005.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson6/1003.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | High Wycombe | 56 |
| 2 | Bletchley | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Chesham | 39 |
| 4 | Milton Keynes | 36 |
| 5 | Amersham | 34 |
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Amersham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 43.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 43% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 577 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 332 per 10,000 people, 97.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 8 pubs, 7 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 7.7% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 13) Worse: 1.9x the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 11.5 per 100,000 people, 3.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.3 per 10,000 people, 44% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open; 3 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 2.4x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.48pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 69.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 4.5x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,586 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Buckinghamshire council
Have a crap-off
Amersham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.