Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Little Chalfont
Little Chalfont
33/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 33. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
They bought a meadow. Sewage came free.
A commuter village that bought its own meadow. The sewage wasn't part of the plan.
Little Chalfont grew up round a Tube station and it's full of people who get the Metropolitan line to London and back. It's that well behaved the villagers bought their own nature park and run their own library. The moans are traffic, parking and temporary lights.
And the sewage. The storm overflows round the village spilled for 14.1 times as long as the typical town's. Posh shit's still shit. The last bus pulls out at 9.31pm and there's nothing at all on a Sunday, so the Tube's the only way out of it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Little Chalfont's 99 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Sewage spills99/1003,851 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Broadband90/10019.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.0% across the Buckinghamshire council area
- Food hygiene73/1007.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 26 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution67/1008.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires44/1005.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Rain42/100124 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Buckinghamshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions11/1001.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour11/1005.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson9/1003.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Bletchley | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Chesham | 39 |
| 4 | Milton Keynes | 36 |
| 5 | Amersham | 34 |
| – | Little Chalfont | 33 |
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Little Chalfont by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 44.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 42% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 271 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 417 per 10,000 people, 122.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 5 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.1 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 9.31pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 27.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,602 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Buckinghamshire council
Have a crap-off
Little Chalfont against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.