Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green
Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green
13/100Crap Score
861st crappest of 984 towns, and 7th in Buckinghamshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Still going on about the orchards
Flackwell's lost its cherry orchards. Wooburn's got the Green and plenty to moan about.
Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green are lovely, safe, clean Buckinghamshire villages, so there's bugger all to moan about. They manage anyway. Flackwell used to grow cherries. Wooburn made paper in the mills on the Wye. Now both of them argue about lorries and potholes on the parish noticeboard.
Not one storm overflow near them spilled from 2023 to 2025, and nobody nicks the bikes. The one thing worth being properly furious about is Buckinghamshire council, which keeps losing at the ombudsman.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green's 86 for broadband means it's crapper than 86% of towns.
- Broadband86/10016.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.0% across the Buckinghamshire council area
- Air pollution79/10010.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires53/1005.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions47/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain37/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Buckinghamshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour18/1006.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene17/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 59 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson14/1004.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Chesham | 39 |
| 4 | Milton Keynes | 36 |
| 5 | Amersham | 34 |
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
| 10 | Marlow | 6 |
| 11 | Chalfont St Peter | 5 |
Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 47.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 38% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 274 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 220 per 10,000 people, 64.7x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 8 pubs, 4 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 50% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 25.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,585 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Buckinghamshire council
Have a crap-off
Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.