Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Chalfont St Peter
Chalfont St Peter
5/100Crap Score
939th crappest of 984 towns, and 11th in Buckinghamshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Call it a town. Go on. Dare you.
Big village, nice common, and grown men in sports cars doing laps of Market Place.
Chalfont St Peter is a town in all but name, and don't you dare say so. It's safe, tidy and clean, so they moan about parking, HS2 and the plonkers in sports cars screeching round the roundabout to show off their exhaust. Gold Hill Common is lovely. You can still hear the exhaust from there.
Some idiot keeps setting the grass alight, though, with deliberate fires at 1.6 times the typical town's rate. Barclays has shut. The last bus home is at 9.12pm, so after that the boy racers have the place to themselves.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Chalfont St Peter's 82 for air pollution means it's crapper than 82% of towns.
- Air pollution82/10010.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband73/1009.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.0% across the Buckinghamshire council area
- Deliberate fires68/1009.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene32/1001.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 76 food businesses with a rating
- Rain30/100121 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Buckinghamshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson12/1004.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour11/1005.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions3/1000.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 5 | Amersham | 34 |
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
| 10 | Marlow | 6 |
| 11 | Chalfont St Peter | 5 |
| 12 | Beaconsfield | 3 |
| 13 | Hazlemere | 2 |
Chalfont St Peter by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 38.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 50% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 647 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 474 per 10,000 people, 139.4x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 8 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 7.3 per 100,000 people, 2.1x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.7 per 10,000 people, 56% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 3.1x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 9.12pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 41.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,631 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Buckinghamshire council
Have a crap-off
Chalfont St Peter against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.