Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Gerrards Cross
Gerrards Cross
39/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 39. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Gerrards Cross. GX, darling.
Very posh, very pleased with itself, and the Tesco over the railway caved in.
Gerrards Cross is so posh it calls itself GX. Its big moment was building a Tesco on top of the railway and the tunnel underneath falling in. They finished it anyway. That's GX for you.
Nobody misbehaves here, apart from the sewage. The sewers round the town overflowed for over ten times as long as the typical town's, so the money's up on the hill and the shit's in the water. There's 1 pub. One. Some knobhead's been setting fires as well, at nearly three times the typical town's rate, which is not what you pay GX prices for.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Gerrards Cross's 97 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Sewage spills97/1002,857 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution87/10011.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires83/10015.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene59/1003.5% rated 0 to 2, of the 58 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband53/1004.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.0% across the Buckinghamshire council area
- Serious road collisions42/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain32/100121 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Buckinghamshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson5/1003.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour2/1004.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | High Wycombe | 56 |
| 2 | Bletchley | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Chesham | 39 |
| – | Gerrards Cross | 39 |
| 4 | Milton Keynes | 36 |
| 5 | Amersham | 34 |
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Gerrards Cross by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 42.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 44% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 338 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 417 per 10,000 people, 122.6x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 7 hairdressers, 4 charity shops, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 12.3 per 100,000 people, 3.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.5 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 1.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 69.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 4.5x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,643 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Buckinghamshire council
Have a crap-off
Gerrards Cross against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.