Crap Towns / Nottinghamshire / Newark-on-Trent
Newark-on-Trent
95/100Crap Score
55th crappest of 984 towns, and the crappest in Nottinghamshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Rearrange it yourself.
A castle on the Trent, a nice market square and a name that's an anagram of wanker.
Newark's got a castle by the Trent, a proper market square and a name that's an anagram of wanker, which everyone points out. The shops are emptying, the evenings have gone quiet and drivers use pedestrianised Cartergate as a shortcut. Serious crashes run well above the typical town's, and plenty of those drivers fit the anagram nicely.
The castle got knocked about in the Civil War. The rest of Newark is getting the same treatment now. Criminal damage runs at more than twice the typical town's rate, anti-social behaviour at 2.3 times, and the shoplifters are having a field day. All that for a Band D bill of £2,682, 12% above England's average. On a Sunday the buses barely bother.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Newark-on-Trent's 97 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson97/10015.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour96/10032.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions93/1004.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills74/100693 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires65/1008.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping64/10013.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Newark and Sherwood council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution61/1008.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene61/1003.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 233 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband44/1003.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 15.9% across the Newark and Sherwood council area
- Rain6/100111 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Newark-on-Trent | 95 |
| 2 | Nottingham | 93 |
| 3 | Mansfield | 93 |
| 4 | Sutton in Ashfield | 90 |
| 5 | Worksop | 78 |
| 6 | Clifton | 75 |
| 7 | Kirkby-in-Ashfield | 74 |
| 8 | Stapleford | 71 |
| 9 | Eastwood | 67 |
Newark-on-Trent by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 133 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.7x the typical town's 76.2
- 19 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 6.4 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 19 pubs, 9 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 3 bookmakers, 1 vape shop, 4 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 5.4% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (2 of 37) Worse: 35% higher than the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 10.1 per 100,000 people, 3x the typical town's 3.4
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.0 per 10,000 people, 25% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 About the same: 0.7 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical English town's 0.7
- 4 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.15am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 4.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 73% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,581 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Newark and Sherwood council
- £2,682 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £290 more than the English average
- 19% of Nottinghamshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 19% higher than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Newark-on-Trent against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.