Crap Towns / Derbyshire / Matlock
Matlock
59/100Crap Score
406th crappest of 984 towns, and 7th in Derbyshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
The council took the spa hotel
The council moved into the old spa hotel. The tourists moved onto the A6.
Matlock used to be a spa where Victorians came to feel better. The posh hotel is County Hall now, and nobody's felt better in there since. Bank Road is so steep it needed a tram, and the town centre floods whenever the Derwent feels like it.
The water cure's off. The sewage overflows run for 8.1 times as long as the typical town's, so the river's full of shit. It chucks it down on 140 days a year, the broadband's patchy, and the charity shops come in at 5.4 times the typical town's rate per head, so at least there's somewhere to shelter. Even the takeaway kitchens are dodgy.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Matlock's 95 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 95% of towns.
- Sewage spills95/1002,240 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband93/10013.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 36.7% across the Derbyshire Dales council area
- Rain67/100140 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires63/1007.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene60/1003.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 93 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour60/10016.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions50/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution35/1006.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson32/1005.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping7/1004.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Derbyshire Dales council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Chesterfield | 74 |
| 4 | Heanor | 64 |
| 5 | Shirebrook | 62 |
| 6 | Staveley | 61 |
| 7 | Matlock | 59 |
| 8 | South Normanton and Pinxton | 50 |
| 9 | Ripley | 47 |
| 10 | Somercotes and Swanwick | 47 |
| 11 | Ilkeston | 43 |
Matlock by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 68.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 10% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 0.9
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2023
What's left on the high street
- 11 pubs, 11 hairdressers, 9 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 14.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (2 of 14) Worse: 3.6x the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 8.3 per 100,000 people, 2.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.5 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 2 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 2.4x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.15am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 11.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 24% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,473 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Derbyshire Dales council
- £2,445 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £53 more than the English average
- 15% of Derbyshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Matlock against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.