Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Haddenham
Haddenham
15/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 15. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Stop the car. Duck.
Mud walls, duck ponds and Midsomer Murders. It's that sort of village.
Haddenham is so pretty they film Midsomer Murders here, and its duck pond was in a bank advert. The walls are made of mud and the ducks stop the traffic. Crime's barely there, which is odd for a place where somebody gets bumped off every week on telly.
The buses stop at 7.47pm, so whatever happens after dark, you're stuck with it. Sewage went in the water nearby for five times the typical town's hours. That's a lot of shit to tip near a duck pond. Pretty, though.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Haddenham's 88 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 88% of towns.
- Sewage spills88/1001,378 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene72/1007.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 27 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband57/1004.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.0% across the Buckinghamshire council area
- Air pollution37/1006.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires34/1004.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Rain33/100122 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Buckinghamshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions9/1000.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour1/1003.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson0/1002.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Chesham | 39 |
| 4 | Milton Keynes | 36 |
| 5 | Amersham | 34 |
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| – | Haddenham | 15 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
| 10 | Marlow | 6 |
Haddenham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 36.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 53% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 130 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 232 per 10,000 people, 68.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2021
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 1 charity shop on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 13% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.47pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 20.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 31% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,542 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Buckinghamshire council
Have a crap-off
Haddenham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.