Crap Towns / East Riding of Yorkshire / Goole
Goole
26/100Crap Score
People from here are Goolies.
728th crappest of 984 towns, and 2nd in the East Riding of Yorkshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Goole? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Salt or pepper? Nobody knows.
Water towers like a salt and pepper set, and folk weeing in the town centre.
Goole's got water towers like a salt and pepper set and locals still argue which is which. That's the excitement. The town centre has people drinking in the street and pissing up the walls, nothing for teenagers to do and plenty of pubs. Ask anyone where they're from and they'll say just outside Goole. Wise.
Getting out's the hard bit. Buses leave Goole after 7pm about an eighth as often as the typical town's, and on a Sunday it's worse. Somebody's nicking the bikes at over three times the typical rate, so that's out as well. There's 16 pubs, 2 hairdressers and no swimming pool, in a town that's basically a dock. Halifax and NatWest have both shut a branch.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Goole's 68 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 68% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson68/1008.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires65/1008.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution57/1007.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions53/1002.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills52/100298 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene41/1002.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 147 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour34/1008.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain25/100119 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband12/1002.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.5% across the East Riding of Yorkshire council area
- Fly-tipping3/1003.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, East Riding of Yorkshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Kingston upon Hull | 89 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.2 | Goole | 26 |
| 3 | Bridlington | 20 |
| 4 | Cottingham | 12 |
| 5 | Hessle | 12 |
| 6 | Pocklington | 11 |
| 7 | Willerby and Anlaby | 9 |
| 8 | Driffield | 9 |
| 9 | Beverley | 7 |
| 10 | Brough | 3 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Goole by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 101 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 33% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 71% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 4 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 16 pubs, 2 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 2 vape shops, 3 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 25) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 9.9 per 100,000 people, 2.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 8 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.0 per 10,000 people, 2.5x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
- 3 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 12.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,477 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
East Riding of Yorkshire council
- £2,466 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £74 more than the English average
- 15% of East Riding of Yorkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than England's 16%
- 12 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Goole against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.