Crap Towns / East Riding of Yorkshire / Hessle
Hessle
12/100Crap Score
866th crappest of 984 towns, and 5th in the East Riding of Yorkshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Hull? Well, nearly.
The Humber Bridge, a country park and a lot of people very glad they're not in Hull.
Hessle sits under the Humber Bridge right next to Hull and makes damn sure you know it isn't Hull. It's barely crap at all. The old chalk pits are a country park they call Little Switzerland, which is taking the piss. The only moans are the parking and the commuter traffic into Hull.
Nobody fly-tips, the kitchens are spotless and every house can get superfast broadband. There's no swimming pool, which is about the only thing Hull's got that Hessle hasn't. Halifax shut and left a banking hub. There's 5 charity shops, so the moaning about charity shops is fair enough.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Hessle's 70 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 70% of towns.
- Deliberate fires70/1009.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution61/1008.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions56/1002.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain49/100127 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson46/1006.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour31/1008.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills25/10068.6 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene8/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 87 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband3/1000.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.5% across the East Riding of Yorkshire council area
- Fly-tipping3/1003.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, East Riding of Yorkshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Kingston upon Hull | 89 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.2 | Goole | 26 |
| 3 | Bridlington | 20 |
| 4 | Cottingham | 12 |
| 5 | Hessle | 12 |
| 6 | Pocklington | 11 |
| 7 | Willerby and Anlaby | 9 |
| 8 | Driffield | 9 |
| 9 | Beverley | 7 |
| 10 | Brough | 3 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Hessle by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 69.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 9% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 62% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2021
What's left on the high street
- 8 pubs, 2 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 1 vape shop, 2 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 14) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 6.5 per 100,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 19% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.33am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Against the typical town's 0.5%
- 30.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,582 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
East Riding of Yorkshire council
- £2,466 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £74 more than the English average
- 15% of East Riding of Yorkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than England's 16%
- 12 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Hessle against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.