Crap Towns / East Riding of Yorkshire / Cottingham
Cottingham
12/100Crap Score
865th crappest of 984 towns, and 4th in the East Riding of Yorkshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Definitely not Hull.
England's biggest village, it says. Hull, says everyone else.
Cottingham reckons it's the biggest village in England, which is what a town says when it doesn't want to be Hull. It's even got Hull City's training ground, and it still won't have it. It's tidy, the food's safe, nobody dumps anything and every house can get superfast broadband.
There's not much to go at. People get killed or badly hurt on the roads at half as much again as the typical town's, Castle Hill Hospital parks in every street, and there's been 29 serious pollution incidents in or near the place since 2016, which nobody mentions on Market Green. Whatever you do, don't say Hull. They go mental.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Cottingham's 82 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 82% of towns.
- Serious road collisions82/1003.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires79/10012.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution49/1007.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain39/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills30/10094.6 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour22/1007.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson17/1004.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene7/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 90 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband3/1000.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.5% across the East Riding of Yorkshire council area
- Fly-tipping3/1003.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, East Riding of Yorkshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Kingston upon Hull | 89 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.2 | Goole | 26 |
| 3 | Bridlington | 20 |
| 4 | Cottingham | 12 |
| 5 | Hessle | 12 |
| 6 | Pocklington | 11 |
| 7 | Willerby and Anlaby | 9 |
| 8 | Driffield | 9 |
| 9 | Beverley | 7 |
| 10 | Brough | 3 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Cottingham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 61.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 19% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 93% lower than the typical town's 20.4
- 29 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 4 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 12) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 6.9 per 100,000 people, 2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.7 per 10,000 people, 56% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 3x the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.02am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Against the typical town's 0.5%
- 32.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.1x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,584 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
East Riding of Yorkshire council
- £2,466 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £74 more than the English average
- 15% of East Riding of Yorkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than England's 16%
- 12 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Cottingham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.