Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Farnham Common and Farnham Royal
Farnham Common and Farnham Royal
6/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 6. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Posh, and near Slough.
Ancient woods, no crime and a road to Slough that never stops.
The Farnhams are very nice villages with ancient beech woods, a village pump with its own listed shelter, and next to no crime, vandals or crashes. The road to Slough is busy all day and fast at night. Being this posh and this close to Slough must sting.
The broadband's a disgrace. 10.9% of premises can't get superfast, over twenty times the typical town's share, and 303 fall short of even the legal minimum. Big houses, and they're all buffering.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Farnham Common and Farnham Royal's 97 for broadband means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Broadband97/10032.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.0% across the Buckinghamshire council area
- Air pollution79/10010.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene54/1003.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 32 food businesses with a rating
- Rain34/100122 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Buckinghamshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires16/1002.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson16/1004.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions7/1000.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour4/1004.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
| 10 | Marlow | 6 |
| – | Farnham Common and Farnham Royal | 6 |
| 11 | Chalfont St Peter | 5 |
| 12 | Beaconsfield | 3 |
| 13 | Hazlemere | 2 |
Farnham Common and Farnham Royal by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 48.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 36% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 157 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 234 per 10,000 people, 68.8x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.5 per 10,000 people, 6% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.09am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 10.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 21.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 37.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,636 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Buckinghamshire council
Have a crap-off
Farnham Common and Farnham Royal against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.