Crap Towns / Surrey / Ewell
Ewell
26/100Crap Score
730th crappest of 984 towns, and 28th in Surrey. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Ewell. Mind the traffic.
A library shaped like a spaceship, a nice river, and roads that put people in hospital.
Ewell's library looks like a flying saucer landed in the park and couldn't be arsed to leave. The old village is nice. West Ewell isn't, and everyone knows it. Ruxley Lane's jammed and the place has more serious crashes than a quiet bit of Surrey should.
27 serious pollution incidents have been logged in or round it since 2016, and the air's dirtier than the typical town's on both counts. There are 4 pubs and 2 hairdressers. The buses run nearly five times the typical town's Sunday service, which is handy if you want a haircut.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Ewell's 91 for air pollution means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Air pollution91/10012.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions88/1003.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour40/10013.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene40/1001.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 104 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson27/1005.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires26/100
- Fly-tipping22/1005.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Epsom and Ewell council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain12/100115 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband10/1002.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 4.1% across the Epsom and Ewell council area
- Sewage spills9/1006.7 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 24 | Camberley | 31 |
| 25 | Epsom | 29 |
| 26 | Cobham | 27 |
| 27 | Cranleigh | 26 |
| 28 | Ewell | 26 |
| 29 | Haslemere | 23 |
| 30 | West Molesey | 23 |
| 31 | Farncombe | 23 |
| 32 | Godalming | 22 |
Ewell by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 60.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 21% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1,239 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 450 per 10,000 people, 132.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 27 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 22) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 38% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.4 per 10,000 people, 43% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.49am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 14.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 6% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,623 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Epsom and Ewell council
Have a crap-off
Ewell against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.