Crap Towns / Surrey / Godalming
Godalming
22/100Crap Score
Known as Godders, or the Ming.
763rd crappest of 984 towns, and 32nd in Surrey. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Godalming. Godawfulming, some say.
Godalming is posh Surrey with vape shops, bookies, charity shops, Greggs and pubs. The full set.
Godalming has the Pepperpot, got public electricity before nearly anyone else and has been a bit smug about it ever since. It's quiet and nothing gets smashed. Locals call it Godders, and they say God-dahl-ming slowly, in case you're thick.
Then you walk down the High Street. Charity shops, bookies, Greggs, and vape shops at nearly ten times the typical town's rate per head. This is Surrey, supposedly. Lloyds and NatWest have both gone. There are public toilets at over four times the typical town's rate, so at least there's somewhere to sit and think about it. The Range Rovers are too big for the streets, mind.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Godalming's 93 for broadband means it's crapper than 93% of towns.
- Broadband93/10018.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 28.9% across the Waverley council area
- Food hygiene65/1003.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 80 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions64/1002.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain48/100127 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution40/1007.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills29/10088.7 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires25/100
- Fly-tipping17/1005.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Waverley council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson11/1004.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour7/1007.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 28 | Ewell | 26 |
| 29 | Haslemere | 23 |
| 30 | West Molesey | 23 |
| 31 | Farncombe | 23 |
| 32 | Godalming | 22 |
| 33 | Ash and Ash Vale | 19 |
| 34 | Weybourne | 12 |
| 35 | Great Bookham and Fetcham | 9 |
| 36 | Ashtead | 8 |
Godalming by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 46.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 39% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 796 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 762 per 10,000 people, 224.1x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2023
What's left on the high street
- 9 pubs, 13 hairdressers, 10 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 3 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 19.1 per 100,000 people, 5.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 7 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 6.7 per 10,000 people, 4.2x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.14pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 6.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 58% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,642 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Waverley council
Have a crap-off
Godalming against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.