Crap Towns / Surrey / Great Bookham and Fetcham
Great Bookham and Fetcham
9/100Crap Score
891st crappest of 984 towns, and 35th in Surrey. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Bookham. Posh, and cross about parking.
Commons, a stately home and a mill pond. Surrey has been unbearable for less.
Great Bookham and Fetcham are about as nice as Surrey gets. There's the commons, the National Trust pile at Polesden Lacey, the mill pond and the springs. Crime runs at well under half the typical town's rate, so there's nothing to moan about.
So they moan about the High Street. It's narrow and rammed with parked cars, and any plan to pedestrianise it or put up the parking charges starts a war. The storm overflows nearby spilled for 1.7 times as long as the typical town's, mind. Posh shit is still shit.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Great Bookham and Fetcham's 82 for broadband means it's crapper than 82% of towns.
- Broadband82/10012.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.0% across the Mole Valley council area
- Sewage spills64/100474 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution59/1008.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions42/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping24/1006.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Mole Valley council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain22/100118 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires18/100
- Food hygiene12/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 68 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour4/1006.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson3/1003.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 30 | West Molesey | 23 |
| 31 | Farncombe | 23 |
| 32 | Godalming | 22 |
| 33 | Ash and Ash Vale | 19 |
| 34 | Weybourne | 12 |
| 35 | Great Bookham and Fetcham | 9 |
| 36 | Ashtead | 8 |
| 37 | Frimley | 4 |
| 38 | Worcester Park and Stoneleigh | 3 |
Great Bookham and Fetcham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 33.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 57% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 907 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 419 per 10,000 people, 123.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 8 hairdressers, 4 charity shops, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 13% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 4 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 2.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.33am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 35.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.3x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,609 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 5% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Mole Valley council
Have a crap-off
Great Bookham and Fetcham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.