Crap Towns / Surrey / East Horsley
East Horsley
18/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 18. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about East Horsley? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Big house, flint wall, pothole
Big houses, private roads and flint walls. The worst thing here is the driving.
East Horsley is commuter-belt Surrey: big houses on private roads, flint everywhere and trains to London. Crime's next to nothing. The trouble is the roads, which flood, fill with potholes and get driven down far too fast, so there are more serious crashes than a village this posh deserves.
Nearly two thirds of the village lives more than 400 metres from the nearest park or playground, and there's 1 play space. All those big gardens, and the kids are stuck in them. There's 1 pub too, and crime's under a third of the typical town's, so nobody here gets into trouble except behind the wheel.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
East Horsley's 86 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 86% of towns.
- Serious road collisions86/1004.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene55/1003.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 28 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband51/1003.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.2% across the Guildford council area
- Air pollution50/1007.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping38/1009.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Guildford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain36/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires12/100
- Sewage spills9/1006.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour1/1005.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson0/1001.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 30 | West Molesey | 23 |
| 31 | Farncombe | 23 |
| 32 | Godalming | 22 |
| 33 | Ash and Ash Vale | 19 |
| – | East Horsley | 18 |
| 34 | Weybourne | 12 |
| 35 | Great Bookham and Fetcham | 9 |
| 36 | Ashtead | 8 |
| 37 | Frimley | 4 |
East Horsley by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 22.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 71% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 330 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 565 per 10,000 people, 166.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 3 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 2 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 17.1 per 100,000 people, 5x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 5.1 per 10,000 people, 3.2x the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 2.4x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.56pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Against the typical town's 0.5%
- 64.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 4.1x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,616 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 5% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Guildford council
Have a crap-off
East Horsley against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.