Crap Towns / Northumberland / Amble
Amble
70/100Crap Score
Locals are Amblers.
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 70. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Amble? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Come for the puffins, leave in a queue
It's got puffins and a harbour. That's it. That's the trip.
Amble calls itself the Friendliest Port because of a telegram to an ocean liner nobody alive remembers. The Amblers have been dining out on it ever since. Bank holiday, the whole of Northumberland turns up to stare at the puffins on Coquet Island and parks on everyone's verge.
Saturday night the locals kick off instead. Anti-social behaviour is running at more than twice the typical town's rate, and something usually gets smashed. There's 11 pubs for a town this size, so you can see where it starts. Sewage goes in the water nearby for about seven times the typical town's hours. The harbour's nice. The rest you can have.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Amble's 96 for anti-social behaviour means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Anti-social behaviour96/10033.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills93/1001,919 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband89/10018.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.9% across the Northumberland council area
- Criminal damage and arson85/10010.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires80/10014.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping63/10012.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Northumberland council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain40/100124 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions20/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene9/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 84 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution1/1002.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Blyth | 83 |
| – | Amble | 70 |
| 2 | Ashington | 61 |
| 3 | Prudhoe | 58 |
| 4 | Berwick-upon-Tweed | 58 |
| 5 | Morpeth | 57 |
| 6 | Bedlington | 56 |
| 7 | Hexham | 49 |
| 8 | Cramlington | 47 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.9 | Ponteland | 34 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Amble by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 74.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 99 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 169 per 10,000 people, 49.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 of 2 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 11 pubs, 6 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker, 2 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 17.1 per 100,000 people, 5x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 5.1 per 10,000 people, 3.2x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 3.4 per 10,000 people, 4.9x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.57pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 21.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 41% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,608 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Northumberland council
Have a crap-off
Amble against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.