Regeneration? Any day now, pet

Bedders gave the world a terrier that looks like a lamb. That's the high point. They've been promising to regenerate the town centre for so long nobody believes a word. They've chucked up new houses and forgot the schools and doctors to go with them.

Front Street's a long walk past 18 hairdressers and 1 public toilet, so you'll look lovely and be desperate. Fires get started on purpose at nearly six times the typical town's rate, and the grass and woods go up at about fifteen times. The dog's done better than the town.

The editor, who's still waiting too