Crap Towns / Northumberland / Prudhoe
Prudhoe
58/100Crap Score
Locals call it Prudda.
409th crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in Northumberland. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
The toilets are the highlight
Prudhoe's public toilets have loo roll for life. That's the big news round here. That's it.
Prudhoe has a castle, a tissue factory and public toilets with a lifetime supply of loo roll, which is the town's proudest achievement. The hills nearby are made of old factory waste. Front Street is parked solid, people leave their cars on the pavement and in the loading bays, and the station announcers can't say the name.
Barclays and Lloyds have both shut, so you can't get cash, but you can always get loo roll. Some bright spark sets the grass and woods alight at nearly nine times the typical town's rate, and nearly half the town is more than 400 metres from a park. There's 2 Greggs, about six times the typical town's per head, which explains why the toilets matter so much.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Prudhoe's 90 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Deliberate fires90/10023.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson68/1008.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain65/100137 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills65/100491 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping63/10012.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Northumberland council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Broadband59/1005.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.9% across the Northumberland council area
- Anti-social behaviour58/10016.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions47/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution16/1005.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene11/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 70 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Blyth | 83 |
| 2 | Ashington | 61 |
| 3 | Prudhoe | 58 |
| 4 | Berwick-upon-Tweed | 58 |
| 5 | Morpeth | 57 |
| 6 | Bedlington | 56 |
| 7 | Hexham | 49 |
| 8 | Cramlington | 47 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.9 | Ponteland | 34 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Prudhoe by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 59.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 22% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 240 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 233 per 10,000 people, 68.5x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs, 9 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 1 bank, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 12) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 19.5 per 100,000 people, 5.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.9 per 10,000 people, 1.8x the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 43% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.07am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 48.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 3.1x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,487 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Northumberland council
Have a crap-off
Prudhoe against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.