Crap Towns / Greater Manchester / Altrincham
Altrincham
31/100Crap Score
678th crappest of 984 towns, and 65th in Greater Manchester. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Altrincham? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Alty was a ghost town. Now it's lunch.
Alty used to be famous for empty shops. Then they did up the market and now nobody shuts up about it.
Say the ch in Altrincham and somebody will put you right. It's Alty. Not long ago the town centre was empty shops from one end to the other. Then they did up the market, and now you can't get a seat on a Saturday and a scotch egg costs what a round used to.
For a town that won't shut up about its food, the kitchens are a worry. The share of food businesses given 0 to 2 for hygiene is 1.7 times the typical town's, and the takeaways are no better. Enjoy the scotch egg. The Robins play down the road for anyone who'd rather stand.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Altrincham's 78 for rain means it's crapper than 78% of towns.
- Rain78/100153 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene77/1004.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 378 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution71/10011.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills40/100179 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping39/1009.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Trafford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires34/1004.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband34/1006.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.0% across the Trafford council area
- Criminal damage and arson27/1005.4 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
- Serious road collisions24/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour20/10010.3 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 58 | Cheadle | 50 |
| 59 | Standish | 49 |
| 60 | Hale | 43 |
| 61 | Romiley | 42 |
| 62 | Urmston | 42 |
| 63 | Sale | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.64 | Bramhall | 38 |
| 65 | Altrincham | 31 |
| 66 | Cheadle Hulme | 30 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Altrincham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 69.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (July 2023 to June 2026) Better: 9% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 3 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 82% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 18 pubs, 23 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 7 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 7.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (4 of 57) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 2.0 per 100,000 people, 41% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 13 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.6 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 6 public swimming pools open Better: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 1.7x the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.49am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 25.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,441 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 6% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Trafford council
- £2,292 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £100 less than the English average
- 12% of Trafford council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 25% lower than England's 16%
- 9 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Altrincham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.