Crap Towns / Greater Manchester / Cheadle
Cheadle
50/100Crap Score
492nd crappest of 984 towns, and 58th in Greater Manchester. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Cheadle? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Cheadle Village isn't a village.
A main road with a green beside it and a flight path over the top.
Cheadle calls itself a village, which is a big word for a high street with the A560 through the middle. Abney Hall's nice and the green's nice. For a train you walk to Gatley, while they keep promising Cheadle a station of its own. Planes from the airport come over all day.
The water company lets sewage out for more than five times as long as in the typical town, and nitrogen dioxide runs at 1.6 times the typical town's level. There are three public swimming pools, three times the typical town's rate per head, and after a walk down the main road you'll want one. The kitchens are cleaner than most, fair play.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Cheadle's 89 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Sewage spills89/1001,472 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution87/10012.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain80/100156 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires77/10011.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping60/10011.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Stockport council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson43/1006.6 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
- Anti-social behaviour33/10012.5 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
- Broadband28/1005.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.1% across the Stockport council area
- Serious road collisions23/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene19/1000.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 110 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 54 | Orrell | 56 |
| 55 | Stockport | 56 |
| 56 | Ashton-in-Makerfield | 51 |
| 57 | Hazel Grove | 50 |
| 58 | Cheadle | 50 |
| 59 | Standish | 49 |
| 60 | Hale | 43 |
| 61 | Romiley | 42 |
| 62 | Urmston | 42 |
Cheadle by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 72.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (July 2023 to June 2026) Better: 6% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 3 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 1.1
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 8 pubs, 2 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4.6% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 22) Worse: 15% higher than the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 6.9 per 100,000 people, 2x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.8 per 10,000 people, 1.8x the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 3x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.13am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 14.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 8% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,393 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 9% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Stockport council
Have a crap-off
Cheadle against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.