Crap Towns / Greater Manchester / Stockport
Stockport
56/100Crap Score
Known as Stocky.
434th crappest of 984 towns, and 55th in Greater Manchester. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Stockport? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Stockport's got a road shut. Again.
Stockport's got a viaduct you can see for miles. You'll have plenty of time to look at it from the diversion.
Stockport's got the viaduct, the Hat Works and a blue glass pyramid that sat empty for years by the motorway. The town centre's been done up and it's not bad at all. Getting to it is the problem, because there's always a road shut and a diversion sign pointing at another road that's shut. Plenty of vape shops when you get there.
Nitrogen dioxide runs at 1.6 times the typical town's level and the local yobs set a fire more than twice as often. The council charges £2,619 for a Band D home, and the sun shows its face for 1,370 hours. Stockporters still get arsey if you call it Manchester.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Stockport's 90 for air pollution means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Air pollution90/10013.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain85/100161 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires81/10013.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills62/100449 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping60/10011.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Stockport council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions56/1002.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson43/1006.6 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
- Anti-social behaviour33/10012.5 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
- Broadband28/1005.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.1% across the Stockport council area
- Food hygiene22/1001.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 785 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 51 | Golborne | 62 |
| 52 | Reddish | 60 |
| 53 | Stretford | 58 |
| 54 | Orrell | 56 |
| 55 | Stockport | 56 |
| 56 | Ashton-in-Makerfield | 51 |
| 57 | Hazel Grove | 50 |
| 58 | Cheadle | 50 |
| 59 | Standish | 49 |
Stockport by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 72.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (July 2023 to June 2026) Better: 6% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 39 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 About the same: 3.3 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 70 pubs, 87 hairdressers, 18 charity shops, 8 bookmakers, 16 vape shops, 11 banks, 3 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3.4% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (5 of 148) Better: 15% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 0.8 per 100,000 people, 76% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 23 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.0 per 10,000 people, 25% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 4 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.3 per 10,000 people, 57% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 7 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.08am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 8.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 45% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,370 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 11% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Stockport council
Have a crap-off
Stockport against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.