Crap Towns / Cheshire / Wilmslow
Wilmslow
21/100Crap Score
778th crappest of 984 towns, and 16th in Cheshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Range Rovers, mainly.
Flash cars, big houses and the Bollin full of sewage.
Wilmslow is where Cheshire's money goes to show off. Big houses, flash cars and planes from the airport going over all day. The parking's a scrap, the houses cost a fortune and the attitude's worse.
The banks have announced six branch closures since 2022, nearly seven times the typical town's rate, so all that money has nowhere to go. The last bus out on a Wednesday is at 7.45pm, which nobody here has noticed. The storm overflows send more than five times the typical town's spill hours into the Bollin. They found a bog body nearby. It's the most normal resident they've had.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Wilmslow's 90 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Sewage spills90/1001,491 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain79/100155 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband71/1009.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.3% across the Cheshire East council area
- Air pollution45/1008.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping43/10010.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cheshire East council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions37/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene12/1000.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 130 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson6/1003.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires5/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour2/1004.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 12 | Nantwich | 28 |
| 13 | Neston | 28 |
| 14 | Alsager | 22 |
| 15 | Lymm | 21 |
| 16 | Wilmslow | 21 |
| 17 | Poynton | 15 |
| 18 | Knutsford | 14 |
| 19 | Macclesfield | 12 |
| 20 | Davenham | 12 |
Wilmslow by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 45.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 14 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 5.4 per 10,000 people, 74% lower than the typical town's 20.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 10 pubs, 31 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 2 vape shops, 5 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 19) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 6 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 23.3 per 100,000 people, 6.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 19% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 14% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.45pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 19.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 28% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,415 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 8% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Cheshire East council
- £2,455 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £63 more than the English average
- 17% of Cheshire East council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 6% higher than England's 16%
- 33 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Wilmslow against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.