Crap Towns / Cheshire / Neston
Neston
28/100Crap Score
710th crappest of 984 towns, and 13th in Cheshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
No bus, no road, no chance.
A nice market town you can't get to by bus and can't drive through.
Neston's got a Friday market, Ladies Day and Parkgate down the road for shrimps and ice cream. Crime's low. The trouble's getting there. The last bus out on a Wednesday goes at 7.07pm and there isn't one on a Sunday, the trains are worse, and the Cross is jammed every day with the narrow roads full of parked cars.
Sewage goes in the water for nearly seven times the typical town's hours, so the estuary's no picture either. Stick to the ice cream.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Neston's 92 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 92% of towns.
- Sewage spills92/1001,838 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Rain64/100137 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions55/1002.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene53/1002.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 72 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband51/1006.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 11.7% across the Cheshire West and Chester council area
- Fly-tipping34/1008.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cheshire West and Chester council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution20/1005.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson9/1003.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour4/1004.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires3/1001.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Middlewich | 39 |
| 10 | Congleton | 33 |
| 11 | Sandbach | 31 |
| 12 | Nantwich | 28 |
| 13 | Neston | 28 |
| 14 | Alsager | 22 |
| 15 | Lymm | 21 |
| 16 | Wilmslow | 21 |
| 17 | Poynton | 15 |
Neston by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 43.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 43% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of broken street lights on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 About the same: 0.7 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 0.7
What's left on the high street
- 10 pubs, 12 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.0 per 10,000 people, 2.5x the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open; 1 closed for good since 2010 About the same: 0.7 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.07pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 23.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.5x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,488 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Cheshire West and Chester council
- £2,517 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £125 more than the English average
- 6% of Cheshire West and Chester council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 63% lower than England's 16%
- 16 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Neston against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.