Crap Towns / Cheshire / Poynton
Poynton
15/100Crap Score
841st crappest of 984 towns, and 17th in Cheshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Who's got right of way? Nobody knows.
Poynton has no crime to speak of and a junction it insists you call roundels.
Poynton's a safe, tidy bit of Cheshire with clean kitchens and no bother. Its big thing is a junction with painted roundels instead of roundabouts, and if you call them roundabouts some bugger will correct you. Nobody knows who's got right of way, so posh cars just edge across to change supermarkets.
It used to dig coal. Now there isn't a single public park, the last bus out on a Wednesday goes at 8.09pm, and the water company lets sewage out for more than two and a half times as long as in the typical town. Rush hour's busy and it floods. That's it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Poynton's 81 for rain means it's crapper than 81% of towns.
- Rain81/100158 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills74/100708 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband66/1008.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.3% across the Cheshire East council area
- Air pollution49/1008.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping43/10010.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cheshire East council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions28/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene14/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 63 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour3/1004.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires1/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson1/1002.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 12 | Nantwich | 28 |
| 13 | Neston | 28 |
| 14 | Alsager | 22 |
| 15 | Lymm | 21 |
| 16 | Wilmslow | 21 |
| 17 | Poynton | 15 |
| 18 | Knutsford | 14 |
| 19 | Macclesfield | 12 |
| 20 | Davenham | 12 |
Poynton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 35.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 53% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 27% lower than the typical town's 1.1
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 10 hairdressers, 3 charity shops, 1 vape shop, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 14% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.09pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 39.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 2.5x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,388 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 9% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Cheshire East council
- £2,455 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £63 more than the English average
- 17% of Cheshire East council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 6% higher than England's 16%
- 33 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Poynton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.