Crap Towns / Cheshire / Alsager
Alsager
22/100Crap Score
771st crappest of 984 towns, and 14th in Cheshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Alsager. Home before the pub shuts.
There's a mere. It's nice. The last bus on a Wednesday has gone by half eight.
Alsager's got the Mere, and that's the good news done. Crime's low, the vandals can't be bothered and hardly anyone sets fire to a bin. Smug, then. But on a weeknight the last bus pulls out at 8.31pm, and there are about a sixth of the typical town's buses after seven. They keep building houses on every field going, and the road outside Asda still looks like it's been shelled.
Sewage spills run at more than three times the typical town's. Don't paddle in the Mere.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Alsager's 85 for broadband means it's crapper than 85% of towns.
- Broadband85/10015.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.3% across the Cheshire East council area
- Sewage spills81/100929 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain70/100144 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene47/1002.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 46 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping43/10010.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cheshire East council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution39/1007.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour15/1006.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions9/1001.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires8/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 10 | Congleton | 33 |
| 11 | Sandbach | 31 |
| 12 | Nantwich | 28 |
| 13 | Neston | 28 |
| 14 | Alsager | 22 |
| 15 | Lymm | 21 |
| 16 | Wilmslow | 21 |
| 17 | Poynton | 15 |
| 18 | Knutsford | 14 |
Alsager by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 48.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 37% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 6 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 3.9 per 10,000 people, 81% lower than the typical town's 20.4
What's left on the high street
- 8 pubs, 15 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 2 vape shops on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 10.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 10) Worse: 2.5x the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 banking hub opened here
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 19% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 14% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.31pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 20.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 34% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,455 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 5% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Cheshire East council
- £2,455 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £63 more than the English average
- 17% of Cheshire East council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 6% higher than England's 16%
- 33 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Alsager against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.