Crap Towns / Berkshire / Twyford
Twyford
29/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 29. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Very pleased with itself.
A tidy commuter village with a nature reserve and a firm belief that it's done rather well.
Twyford is a nice commuter village with the Elizabeth line, a branch line to Henley and a nature reserve in an old gravel pit. Crime's less than half the typical town's and hardly anything gets smashed. There's a beer festival. Go to that.
The crossroads in the middle are always jammed and the commuters park in every street. Over a fifth of premises can't get gigabit broadband, against 6.2% across the Wokingham council area, and there's no swimming pool. That's the dirt. There isn't much.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Twyford's 85 for broadband means it's crapper than 85% of towns.
- Broadband85/10020.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.2% across the Wokingham council area
- Serious road collisions58/1002.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution57/1008.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills57/100371 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene53/1003.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 33 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping42/1009.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wokingham council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires22/100
- Rain20/100118 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour8/1005.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Slough | 45 |
| 2 | Reading | 44 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Newbury | 37 |
| – | Twyford | 29 |
| 4 | Ascot | 22 |
| 5 | Windsor | 21 |
| 6 | Thatcham | 17 |
| 7 | Bracknell | 7 |
| 8 | Maidenhead | 6 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Twyford by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 34.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 54% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 5 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 6.2 per 10,000 people, 1.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 5.0 per 10,000 people, 3.1x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.12pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 13.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 12% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,613 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 5% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Wokingham council
- £2,498 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £106 more than the English average
- 20% of Wokingham council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 25% higher than England's 16%
- 15 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Twyford against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.