Crap Towns / Berkshire / Thatcham
Thatcham
17/100Crap Score
Known as Scratchem.
817th crappest of 984 towns, and 6th in Berkshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Thatcham? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Older than anywhere. Slower too.
Thatcham says it's the oldest town in Britain. You'll age at the level crossing.
Thatcham claims it's the oldest continuously lived-in place in Britain, which it will tell you about. It doesn't have much crime or many crashes. What it has is a level crossing at the station where you can sit for most of your life, flooding round Lower Way and new houses going up. Newbury used to turn over Thatcham traders' market stalls, so the two go back a bit.
All those thousands of years of people living here, and the buses stop at 9.15pm. Twice the typical town's parks per head, mind, so there's somewhere to sit while you wait for it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Thatcham's 69 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 69% of towns.
- Food hygiene69/1004.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 69 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour63/10011.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills51/100289 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband51/1006.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 12.2% across the West Berkshire council area
- Air pollution30/1006.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain25/100119 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping18/1006.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, West Berkshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires14/100
- Criminal damage and arson10/1004.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions5/1001.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Reading | 44 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Newbury | 37 |
| 4 | Ascot | 22 |
| 5 | Windsor | 21 |
| 6 | Thatcham | 17 |
| 7 | Bracknell | 7 |
| 8 | Maidenhead | 6 |
| 9 | Wokingham | 5 |
| 10 | Caversham | 3 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Thatcham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 55.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 27% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 18 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 7.0 per 10,000 people, 2.1x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 11 hairdressers, 3 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 3 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 6.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 16) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 3.9 per 100,000 people, 15% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 14% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 9.15pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 7.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 50% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,578 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
West Berkshire council
- £2,505 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £113 more than the English average
- 4% of West Berkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 75% lower than England's 16%
- 4 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Thatcham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.