Crap Towns / Berkshire / Newbury
Newbury
37/100Crap Score
617th crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in Berkshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Newbury. Coffee and haircuts.
A racecourse, a canal and a town centre that's turned into coffee shops and barbers.
Newbury's got a racecourse and a canal through the middle, and a town centre that's now basically coffee shops and barbers. The row about pedestrianising the centre has dragged on for years. Newbury looks down on Thatcham. Thatcham couldn't give a toss.
Bikes get nicked at nearly four times the typical town's rate, which matters, because the buses are useless and the last one goes at 10.49pm. So you walk. It's got public pools at three times the typical town's rate per head, and nobody's quite sure why.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Newbury's 82 for broadband means it's crapper than 82% of towns.
- Broadband82/10016.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 12.2% across the West Berkshire council area
- Anti-social behaviour68/10011.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills62/100452 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson51/1007.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene41/1002.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 237 food businesses with a rating
- Rain39/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires34/100
- Air pollution31/1006.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions24/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping18/1006.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, West Berkshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Slough | 45 |
| 2 | Reading | 44 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Newbury | 37 |
| 4 | Ascot | 22 |
| 5 | Windsor | 21 |
| 6 | Thatcham | 17 |
| 7 | Bracknell | 7 |
| 8 | Maidenhead | 6 |
| 9 | Wokingham | 5 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Newbury by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 85.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 12% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 22 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 5.2 per 10,000 people, 1.5x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 26 pubs, 25 hairdressers, 8 charity shops, 4 bookmakers, 4 vape shops, 8 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3.7% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 27) Better: 8% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 4.7 per 100,000 people, 38% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 10 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.4 per 10,000 people, 1.5x the typical town's 1.6
- 9 public swimming pools open; 2 closed for good since 2010 Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 3x the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.49pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 15.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space About the same: About the same as the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,575 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
West Berkshire council
- £2,505 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £113 more than the English average
- 4% of West Berkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 75% lower than England's 16%
- 4 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Newbury against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.