Crap Towns / Berkshire / Maidenhead
Maidenhead
6/100Crap Score
926th crappest of 984 towns, and 8th in Berkshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Maidenhead. Mostly flats now.
Gorgeous Thames, posh houses, and a town centre turning into flats.
Maidenhead has the Thames, Boulter's Lock and a railway bridge with an echo that people shout under for fun. It's rich and the crime's low. The town centre's another story. The shopping centre's unloved, the regeneration's dragged on for years and the shops are turning into flats and offices.
3 little libraries shut in 2021, and 4 public pools have closed for good since 2010. The council tax is £1,953 for a Band D, well under England's average, and you can see where they saved it. The town hall played the hospital in Carry On Doctor, which is the most fun anyone's had in there. Stick to the river.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Maidenhead's 82 for air pollution means it's crapper than 82% of towns.
- Air pollution82/10010.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband73/10010.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 14.2% across the Windsor and Maidenhead council area
- Fly-tipping37/1008.8 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Windsor and Maidenhead council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene27/1001.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 357 food businesses with a rating
- Rain23/100118 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson21/1005.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires21/100
- Anti-social behaviour16/1006.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions11/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills7/1002.2 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 4 | Ascot | 22 |
| 5 | Windsor | 21 |
| 6 | Thatcham | 17 |
| 7 | Bracknell | 7 |
| 8 | Maidenhead | 6 |
| 9 | Wokingham | 5 |
| 10 | Caversham | 3 |
| 11 | Crowthorne | 2 |
| 12 | Sandhurst | 1 |
Maidenhead by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 62.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 18% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 236 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 35.0 per 10,000 people, 10.3x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 21 pubs, 22 hairdressers, 10 charity shops, 6 bookmakers, 2 vape shops, 5 banks, 3 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 7.9% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (3 of 38) Worse: 2x the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 3.0 per 100,000 people, 12% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 libraries shut for good since 2010: Furze Platt Container (2021), Holyport Container (2021) and Woodlands Park Container (2021)
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 44% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 7 public swimming pools open; 4 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 43% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.06pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 21.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 39% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,617 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Windsor and Maidenhead council
- £1,953 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £439 less than the English average
- 2% of Windsor and Maidenhead council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 88% lower than England's 16%
- 12 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Maidenhead against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.