Crap Towns / South Lanarkshire / Strathaven
Strathaven
41/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 41. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Strathaven. Watch what you eat.
A smart wee market town with a balloon festival, its own toffee and food inspectors who don't like what they find.
Strathaven is the nice end of South Lanarkshire, and visitors who say it the way it's spelt get a look. It's got a ruined castle with a ghost, a bridge called the Boo Backit Brig and a balloon festival, when the weather lets the balloons up, which round here isn't often.
Then the inspectors came round. 17.3% of its food businesses were told to improve, more than three times the typical Scottish town's share. And the storm overflows spilled for nearly eleven times the typical town's hours. Lovely toffee, though.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Strathaven's 98 for rain means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Rain98/100180 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills98/1002,962 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2024
- Food hygiene90/10017.3% told to improve, of the 52 food businesses inspected
- Broadband63/1009.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.7% across the South Lanarkshire council area
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions25/1001.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour16/1005.0 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires8/1005.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson5/1003.4 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Air pollution1/1003.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hamilton | 95 |
| 2 | Rutherglen | 88 |
| 3 | Blantyre | 85 |
| 4 | Larkhall | 82 |
| 5 | Cambuslang | 62 |
| 6 | East Kilbride | 59 |
| 7 | Carluke | 52 |
| – | Strathaven | 41 |
Strathaven by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 27.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 50% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 1 problem reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 94% lower than the typical Scottish town's 20.1
What's left on the high street
- 2 hairdressers, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 12.0 per 100,000 people, 3.5x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.55pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 9.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 37% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,336 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 13% lower than the typical town's 1,532
South Lanarkshire council
- £1,468 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £185 less than the Scottish average
- 33% of South Lanarkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 8% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 87 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Better: 26.6 per 100,000 residents, 23% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 94.0% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Strathaven against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.