Crap Towns / South Lanarkshire / East Kilbride
East Kilbride
59/100Crap Score
Known as EK.
405th crappest of 984 towns, and 6th in South Lanarkshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
EK. Round and round we go.
Scotland's first new town, with more roundabouts than corners and a shopping centre the size of a county.
East Kilbride was Scotland's first new town, and the planners loved a roundabout. Learner drivers here do roundabouts first and find out about corners later. The middle of it is one enormous indoor shopping centre that goes on for ever, and these days a fair bit of it is shutters while the chains clear out.
The food's a gamble. The inspectors told twice the typical Scottish town's share of kitchens to improve, and more than one takeaway in five. The buses run till gone 1am, so at least you can get out.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
East Kilbride's 96 for rain means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Rain96/100177 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene87/10010.7% told to improve, of the 337 food businesses inspected
- Sewage spills69/100579 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour58/1008.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Broadband46/1006.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.7% across the South Lanarkshire council area
- Deliberate fires41/10017.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions41/1001.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson15/1004.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Air pollution13/1006.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hamilton | 95 |
| 2 | Rutherglen | 88 |
| 3 | Blantyre | 85 |
| 4 | Larkhall | 82 |
| 5 | Cambuslang | 62 |
| 6 | East Kilbride | 59 |
| 7 | Carluke | 52 |
East Kilbride by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 43.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 21% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 12 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 92% lower than the typical Scottish town's 20.1
What's left on the high street
- 16 pubs, 2 hairdressers, 3 charity shops, 6 bookmakers, 5 vape shops, 3 banks, 4 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 21.7% of takeaways inspected told to improve (10 of 46) Worse: 2.4x the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 1.3 per 100,000 people, 62% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 13 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 6% higher than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.20am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 3.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 77% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,345 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
South Lanarkshire council
- £1,468 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £185 less than the Scottish average
- 33% of South Lanarkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 8% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 87 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Better: 26.6 per 100,000 residents, 23% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 94.0% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
East Kilbride against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.