Crap Towns / South Lanarkshire / Cambuslang
Cambuslang
62/100Crap Score
Locals say Cam'slang.
370th crappest of 984 towns, and 5th in South Lanarkshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Cambuslang. Nobody's put the fires out.
Made steel and Hoovers once. Now it's new houses, a tired Main Street and not much to do after tea.
Cambuslang made steel and Hoovers, and both went. Now it's new houses going up round a tired Main Street, and locals get annoyed when Glasgow forgets it exists, which is most of the time.
The Scottish Fire and Rescue Service has its headquarters here, and deliberate fires still come in a fifth above the typical Scottish town's. The sewage spills run at over four times the typical town's, and there's barely a public toilet in the place.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Cambuslang's 91 for rain means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Rain91/100169 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills86/1001,200 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Food hygiene81/1009.8% told to improve, of the 143 food businesses inspected
- Deliberate fires63/10026.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour59/1009.0 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Broadband35/1004.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.7% across the South Lanarkshire council area
- Serious road collisions27/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution27/1007.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson25/1005.2 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hamilton | 95 |
| 2 | Rutherglen | 88 |
| 3 | Blantyre | 85 |
| 4 | Larkhall | 82 |
| 5 | Cambuslang | 62 |
| 6 | East Kilbride | 59 |
| 7 | Carluke | 52 |
Cambuslang by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 39.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 28% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 6 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 91% lower than the typical Scottish town's 20.1
What's left on the high street
- 8 pubs, 7 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 4 bookmakers, 2 vape shops, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 21.1% of takeaways inspected told to improve (4 of 19) Worse: 2.3x the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 cash machine closure assessed by LINK
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.3 per 10,000 people, 81% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.30am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 6.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,340 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 13% lower than the typical town's 1,532
South Lanarkshire council
- £1,468 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £185 less than the Scottish average
- 33% of South Lanarkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 8% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 87 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Better: 26.6 per 100,000 residents, 23% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 94.0% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Cambuslang against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.