Crap Towns / South Lanarkshire / Blantyre
Blantyre
85/100Crap Score
145th crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in South Lanarkshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Blantyre. High or Low, it's grey.
They flattened half the shopping centre for supermarket parking, and the banks went with it.
Blantyre comes in two halves, High and Low, and folk from each will tell you which. The middle of it was the Clydeview Shopping Centre until they knocked a lot of it down for a supermarket car park. What's left is grey, with more than two and a half times the typical town's bookies per head and next to no hairdressers.
Storm overflows spill for over four times the typical town's hours. The food inspectors send twice the typical Scottish town's share of kitchens away with a telling-off, and anti-social behaviour runs at 1.6 times. Hardly anyone bothers reporting anything on FixMyStreet. They've given up.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Blantyre's 87 for rain means it's crapper than 87% of towns.
- Rain87/100164 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills86/1001,217 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Food hygiene82/10011.0% told to improve, of the 91 food businesses inspected
- Anti-social behaviour81/10012.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson78/1009.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires68/10029.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions49/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband38/1004.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.7% across the South Lanarkshire council area
- Air pollution33/1008.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hamilton | 95 |
| 2 | Rutherglen | 88 |
| 3 | Blantyre | 85 |
| 4 | Larkhall | 82 |
| 5 | Cambuslang | 62 |
| 6 | East Kilbride | 59 |
| 7 | Carluke | 52 |
Blantyre by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 59.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 10% higher than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 1 problem reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 97% lower than the typical Scottish town's 20.1
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 charity shop, 3 bookmakers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 25.0% of takeaways inspected told to improve (3 of 12) Worse: 2.7x the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 63% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.38am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 22.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 48% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,344 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
South Lanarkshire council
- £1,468 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £185 less than the Scottish average
- 33% of South Lanarkshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 8% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 87 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Better: 26.6 per 100,000 residents, 23% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 94.0% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Blantyre against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.