Crap Towns / Essex / Stanford-le-Hope
Stanford-le-Hope
17/100Crap Score
819th crappest of 984 towns, and 24th in Essex. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Stanford-le-Hope. No hope.
They've been doing up the station for years. Everything else shuts by teatime.
Stanford-le-Hope has a river called the Hope, the marshes, a view of the container port and a station they've been rebuilding for so long it's a running joke. Locals call it Stanford-no-Hope. The commuters get the train to London, come back, and find everything's shut.
The air's the real problem. Nitrogen dioxide comes in at one and a half times the typical town's, which is what you get for living between the old refinery, the A13 and a port full of lorries. There are 2 parks to breathe it in and 6 pubs to forget about it.
Thurrock council went bust. The ombudsman investigated 17 complaints against it last year and upheld 16.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Stanford-le-Hope's 91 for air pollution means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Air pollution91/10012.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping74/10015.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Thurrock council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene38/1001.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 110 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires31/1004.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband31/1004.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.2% across the Thurrock council area
- Serious road collisions20/1001.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour20/1006.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson19/1004.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills18/10036.4 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain4/100109 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 20 | Witham | 28 |
| 21 | Harwich | 23 |
| 22 | Rochford | 22 |
| 23 | Braintree | 21 |
| 24 | Stanford-le-Hope | 17 |
| 25 | Brentwood | 17 |
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
| 28 | Rayleigh | 11 |
Stanford-le-Hope by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 56.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 26% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 5 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 50% lower than the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 5.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 20) Worse: 25% higher than the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 6.8 per 100,000 people, 2x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public swimming pools open; 2 closed for good since 2010 About the same: 0.7 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.10am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 30.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.9x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,720 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 12% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Thurrock council
Have a crap-off
Stanford-le-Hope against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.